Pain
by Fate4Destiny
Summary: China x Japan. Based on the song 'pain' by three days grace. Was love worth the pain?


_Pain- three days grace_

_A/N: based on the song 'pain' by three days grace_

_I took out extra repetition of the chorus which happened 3 times._

_Pairing: Japan x China_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia characters or song lyrics_

_Warmings: incest, implied sexual themes, blood, sadism?, lemon?_

**Pain, without love**

Japan stumbled on a tree root, his small body falling to the ground. He curled up and looked upwards at the leaves, the trees swaying in the wind.

He pushed up on his hands, trying to stand up again. He felt his knee ached in pain and he fell down again. He winced as his knee slammed against a rock.

A small whimper left his mouth, not just from the physical pain. So many days he was alone, wandering these woods. And he only received feelings of pain. The rotting hole in his heart others knew as loneliness was still unknown to him. Because he needed somebody to be able to compare that to.

**Pain, I can't get enough**

Japan fell to his knees and he bowed his head. His dark hair touched the ground as his face dripped in sweat.

"Nii-, ugh, nii-san."

He felt a cold metal touch his fingers and they subconsciously went out to touch the smooth surface of his katana.

"That's all for today."

Japan found himself shaking his head, feeling for the handle of his katana. Once he had it he dug the tip into the wooden planks of the Chinese style training room, using it as leverage to lift himself.

With his body tipped over the sword he managed to drag his tired self to his feet.

"I- I want to practice some more, nii-san."

Japan lifted his katana and held it out. When it was pushed aside by another it broke from his grasp, his tired and aching body winning against his motivation.

**Pain, I like it rough**

Japan flung back his head, looking up at the moon through misty eyes. The moon he and China would sit under and talk about. But now, his body was being showered in the silver silk of light. Right above him China cast shadows over his body, the deep pools of black remaining unseen in the dead of night.

He winced as teeth bit down on his skin and he felt a stream of blood trail down his neck. It was licked up and he gripped the black long hair which was knocked out of it's elastic. He smashed his lips to the other and tasted his own blood, the salt and copper flavours familiar to his tastes.

**'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all**

Japan glanced out the window with dull eyes. The white mist swept over the harbour outside his window and he felt nothing. No pain, no loneliness. He understood, he fought for it, but still...

A cold breath of air left his lips as he let himself fall backwards on his bed. Almost a century since he last saw his elder brother. He had to be strong, children now believed in him. But the child in him simply wanted to fall into China's arms.

He fingered his kantana and then slowly unsheathed it. He'd rather feel anything then deal with the empty void in his heart.

**You're sick of feeling numb**

Japan let a hiss fall through his teeth as a trail of blood left his stomach where he cut himself. Closing them harshly he bowed his head to the ground in a prayer. The pain spreading like fire through his body soothed the problem of him not feeling alive. But now it all felt painful, nothing more. Like a hell.

Another hiss left his mouth as he did it again. And again. Until he felt alive. Until he felt like he could live. That he was living.

**You're not the only one**

China gave a groan as he doubled over. His oriental sword from his hands as he felt his heart burn up. He was getting too old, and it still physically hurt. But he wouldn't stop.

Picking up a practice sword he swung it again, until his body was slick in sweat. If Japan never stopped, neither would he. And perhaps he'd be worth his younger brother's admiration if he could do this.

**I'll take you by the hand**

China watched Japan on the ridge of the water way which separated them. He watched Japan surrounded by American influence as the Chinese man slowly planted some rice.

He saw Japan kick the water up once he was alone, wanting to go back to his ways. Japan's gaze travelled past the surroundings before falling on his older brother. China pretended not to notice until he heard the sound of a splash. He saw Japan kicking the water up again, a sword drawn and frantic practicing routines gone through to calm down.

China didn't show any emotion as he held a hand out. Japan came running back, needing someone familiar again.

**And I'll show you a world that you can understand**

Japan held up the basket of rice as China brushed off his clothes. Once they were both up Japan felt an arm go supportively around his shoulders. He shied away but soon found himself wanting the simple action. It seemed so much more complete. For the first time in centuries Japan smiled and those same words left his lips.

"Nii-san."

**This life is filled with hurt**

Japan shook his head and gripped China's hands.

"Don't make me leave."

China bowed his head, then slowly cupped his younger brother's chin. He softly kissed the younger's man cheek before murmuring some words.

"We have to. This is the way it must go."

Japan held his brother's hand back and began to tremble. He didn't want to go through that separation again. It seemed so special in China's arm, so welcoming, support surrounding him. A warm feeling flooded his heart and he let one word breathe past his lips.

"Love...?"

**When happiness doesn't work**

It still wasn't enough. Japan couldn't take it anymore. He spent more and more time with nii-san, he was certain he was happy. So why did it still hurt? Why would he wince when China didn't look at him? Weeks ago he was simply happy to spend more time with his brother. But now, this happiness didn't account much in comparison to the pain and loneliness he endured. It simply wasn't strong enough.

**Trust me and take my hand**

China watched Japan fidget and looked at the younger nation blushing. Did he still have those feelings? China felt a familiar warmness flush underneath his skin, a feeling he didn't have for centuries.

As he caught Japan's eyes he could only do one thing. Invite the other to join him.

As Japan's roughened hands from sword fighting touched his smooth ones, they both clutched the other the moment the spark let them rect.

**When the lights go out you will understand**

China pulled Japan's clothes off, holding the younger nation firmly on his lap. He kissed the smaller neck in light kisses, swirled his tongue against Japan's, then sucked on his partner's lower lip.

Japan felt his body groped and explored, as his elder had to relearn each contour of it. When China flicked the lights off he gasped, feeling the Chinese man go straight into his body. And like older times they loved in the dark, each inch of the other's body memorized into a state of drunken love.

**Anger and agony**

Alone. China sat down on his bed, fingering the simple kimono Japan had worn to sleep with him. Just like that, the Japanese man had left, not a word to be said once China fell asleep, so positive Japan would join him in slumber.

China quickly wiped his tears away. He didn't need Japan, he had much better options. But as much as his mind repeated this his heart still burned for Japan.

**Are better than misery**

Japan traced the cuts across his body in the dark as he slowly licked up his blood. Days had turned into years since his routine of cutting himself had been created. And his body was scared with the proof, some only done days ago. He couldn't let China see him in such a state. Nobody would understand. They'd be unhappy with him, but bound to him so they couldn't leave.

As the man let himself be slick with crimson fluids, he faintly kept hearing China screaming his name in the back of his head. It began to start sounding more guilt-ridden then ever before, and Japan nervously curled up as he waited out the pain.

**Trust me I've got a plan**

China wrung his hands together, attempting to calm his heart at the thought of Japan once more. He simply had to see him again. No matter how.

**When the lights go off you will understand**

As they laid in the dark in their own countries, they both understood now. Thinking it all through, feeling what they felt with no distractions or attraction alike, they knew they loved the other. But by how much?

**I know (I know I know I know I know)**

**That you're wounded**

China looked at Japan but the look was unreturned. Surrounded by other world nations the younger country was trying to look like he belonged there, that he didn't any help.

China felt his heart break. Japan always did things himself, needing no help. With a small gulp, China went directly in front of Japan.

Japan looked up at for a second his eyes turned pained. He then bowed his head and walked to the Axis powers. China clenched his hands as he walked to the opposite end of the room.

**You know (You know you know you know you know)**

**That I'm here to save you**

China grabbed Japan's shoulder, making the younger nation look at him in slight confusion. His eyes then softened as they stood between the world divided.

**You know (You know you know you know you know)**

**I'm always here for you**

China put his arms around Japan then sealed the younger nation in a kiss. Japan gave a surprised gasp as red coloured his cheeks. Perhaps in front of everyone else, this all seemed like a haze.

**I know (I know I know I know I know)**

**That you'll thank me later**

After awhile Japan accepted it, and accepted China into a more passionate kiss.


End file.
